Let's Go Back...Way Back.

Ever wonder what it would be like to go back in time…to go back and fix every mistake you ever made…to take the knowledge you know of the future and use it for your (or maybe others) benefit? Welcome to the abyssal vortex that I call my thoughts.

Time travel will never be invented for one reason. It is too potent, too drastic, and would make this world a terrible, terrible place to live in. Some say the world will end with an asteroid, some say it will rain fire and brimstone. Frankly, if time travel is ever invented, that will be the catalyst for any apocalyptic catastrophe. Don’t believe me? Maybe not. But it will still suck for you regardless because…

1. For many of us, we dream of going back in time to fix the myriad amount of screw ups that we as flawed human beings have made. For some this requires going back a year and not saying that dumb thing we said to someone we cared about. For others, it involves going back a few years and making different life choices. Hell, for some of us, we just need a reset button on life all together. Now say we go back and fix all those things. What happens next?

We screw up all over again.

So we didn’t punch that kid on the stairwells of Tillet dining hall. But we did decide to say some derogatory things to his face. (words can never hurt me…right?) What…he’s depressed now? What…he’s turned to drugs, alcohol, and copious amounts of unprotected sex to cover up for the insecurities and scars of his inner-most heart? And now him and his crackwhore of a wife are living in a trailer living off TV dinners and watching American Idol reruns because they can’t afford satellite or cable? Good job, jerk.

2. Think back to the things you enjoyed in 2010. Now 2005. 2000. 1990. How many of these things do you still enjoy? Remember when the Bed Intruder song and Double Rainbow Guy were still hilarious? Try listening to that a few hundred more times without bashing your skull in with a brick. Think you’re a funny and trendy guy? Well back in 2000, walking around in skinny jeans with your Urban Outfitters cardigan and stunna shades got you beat and called Poindexter. Enjoy baggy Jnco jeans and puffer jackets.

Try making a joke about Rebecca Black to someone from March 1^st, 2011. Now think about most of the jokes and conversation topics that you talk about now. Enjoy being socially awkward and irrelevant. Unless of course you enjoy talking about President Bush getting elected as president, how dumb (or terrible) Y2K is going to be, and Mad Cow Disease. Because that’s what was up in 2000.

At least 2000 was a good year for movies. Rugrats in Paris, Scary Movie, 102 Dalmations, Big Momma’s House. Oh and Gladiator, Remember the Titans, and The Whole Nine Yards. Assuming you also de-age as you travel back in time (“Hi, mom, nothing suspicious over here. I’m supposed to be 11 but I have a full grown beard and have gone through puberty!”), too bad you can’t watch most of those fun movies since you can’t get into the Rated-R ones. Yeah, remember when that happened?

3. Okay so maybe you wanted to go back in time to make some money. Go back far enough and then invent Facebook, Amazon, the Snuggie, or just invest a ton of stock in Google. Instant success, make a billion dollars, and then retire in peace. Right?

No, not really.

What made things like Facebook and Amazon so successful? The geniuses behind them that came up with the original idea in the first place. You try writing up a business plan for this, getting a loan to start up a risky business, and then putting all the pieces together. Even if you manage to somehow get it up and running, what you’ll most likely have is a cheap, Chinatown knockoff of the original that you were used to in your first life. Good job ruining Facebook for everyone.

Alright, so maybe you have some business acumen and actually manage to get everything running smoothly. You make bucketloads of money, fill your heated, indoor pool with $50 bills (who uses those anyway?) and then get assassinated. Wait what?

Enjoy losing all privacy in your life once you hit it big. Know why celebs like Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan lose their mind and spend their #WINNINGS on crack cocaine? The sheer amount of pressure and temptation of being a celebrity can destroy you. Now that you’ve invented the next best thing since sliced bread, the spotlight is on you. A young, immensely wealthy fellow. You don’t know who your friends are anymore, your parents burn through your money Culkin-style and the person who you thought was your best friend stabs you in the back to take over your company…thanks Obediah from Iron Man.

4. Speaking of Facebook…have fun with the crappy entertainment of the past. Sure we think back on the “good ol’ days” and reminisce about how great everything was. The only reason it was so great was because we didn’t have the amenities of today. Try reverting back to the Playstation One or SNES after playing on your X-Box 360 for so many years. The stupid square, pixilated graphics will have you pulling your hair out in no time. Hell, even if you’re a “retro” person (grow up, the 80s were 30 years ago) you’ll crack eventually.

Then of course there’s the internet. There’s no Facebook, YouTube, and even MySpace seems like a good option right about now. Oh, unless you invented one of those but we all know how that turns out…

I’m feeling generous. Even IF those websites existed, how are you going to get to them? Go back far enough and no one even knows what “the internet” is or if you go back 15 years or so…you’re stuck on crappy 56k. Remember when America Online was relevant? When the ERELRKJKLDSFJSKDFJ#kljFKLsjd332 sounds of dial-up sounded like an angelic harmony that linked you to a vast wonderland of Angelfire and Geocities websites. Yeah…those were the days.

Sure there may be some cool aspects of going back in time…but after really thinking about it, do you still want to?

So the question of the day is: If you could go back in time, what would you do?

Let me know :)

Can You Hear Me NOW!?

I’ve been working hard on my New Year’s Resolutions (from here on out, they will be referred to as NYRs) so I will update you guys on that. But before I do that, I’m going to stick to the points I listed in last week’s Sneak Peek! Which I misspelled as “Peak!” I hope no one noticed.

PHONE REPRESENTATIVES. Sorry, but I love/hate you guys. I love you because I hate robots. I hate calling Verizon and having to repeat myself over and over saying “WHY DOES MY DSL SUCK” to some automated agent.

“Did you mean, ‘Payment’?”
”NO, WHY DOES MY DSL SUCK”
”Did you mean, ‘Cancel Subscription?’”

“What? NO. Representative. I want to speak to a representative!”
”Sorry, we do not have that option available at this time. Please call back later.”

*click*

But once I finally get a human representative on the line, one of two things happen. Option 1: They pick up right away and talk as if they are stuck on 10x Fast Forward. Today, my Fios just stopped working (finally upgraded, what up!) so I called Verizon. After about 8 minutes of getting transferred around, I had a conversation that went something like this.

“Hi, my Fios just stopped working and its saying that my subscription has been put on a temporary halt. I was wondering what that was about?”

“Doyoueverfeellikeaplasticbagdriftingthroughtthewind?”
“Excuse me?”

Okay, so she obviously didn’t sing “Firework”, but she might as well have. Never has understanding English been so difficult. It turned out that I needed to call Verizon back and inform them that I was keeping my service. LOL, what?

“Hello, Verizon? Yeah, remember that thing I signed a 2-year contract for? Yeah…just wanted to let you know that we’re still on and things are going great. Okay, have a nice day.”

http://tinyurl.com/4gjvo7r
Verizon – Insecure significant other.

So the other option of what happens. You get put on hold for about “Five minutes” which if you do the math…equals about 30 in real time. But it’s okay because your call is very important to them.

A few weeks ago, I had to call PayPal about a mix up. I was informed that my call would be answered in the order that they received it. After about 10 minutes, I started to feel the rumble in my belly. I put my phone on speaker and went ahead with taking care of business. Of course, just then the representative came on the line and asked how he could help me.

Awkward. There was a lot of rushing and me saying “Hold on, one sec”, but in the end everything worked out. I hate calling customer service.

So moving on. My NYRs. The 90-Day Bible thing has been going swell. In fact, I’ve been writing some notes as I read and I’m considering starting up Blog #2 just so I could expand on that. Honestly, it’d be nice to have a journal where I can just write my thoughts down and share it. We’ll see.

As for my weight loss one, so far so good! Since I started roughly 1.5-2 weeks ago, I’ve lost about 7-8 pounds. I know most of this is probably water weight, so this figure is not 100% accurate. No celebrations yet, although it’s good to see some results! Seriously though, trying to cut down your caloric intake is painful. I get more cravings than a pregnant woman and sometimes I feel drained for no reason. This is a picture of me on Day 1.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/57611108@N02/5350596776/
PIZZA!!!

However, something I read recently was encouraging. Newark NJ Mayor Cory Booker is also trying to lose weight for his NYR! His goal of 40 pounds over four months is similar to mine, and I wish him the best of luck. Here’s a link to the article where you can find more information about it.

http://www.eurweb.com/?p=75437
Hahahaha, look at that amazing lead.

“Newark New Jersey Mayor Cory Booker had a lot on his plate in 2010 – both figuratively and literally.” -Journalism.

I also promised last week that I would showcase a friend’s blog. My good friend Satchell is an amazing graphic/web designer as well as a gifted writer. Although his love for tech far exceeds mine, his writing is still easy to read and very noob-friendly (as I can attest). Feel free to check out his blog at:

http://polygrafik.com/ (should have been pauleegrafik lololol. Joking.)

You can also visit his website below. Seriously, amazing work. Check it out!
http://www.satchelldrakes.com/home/

No Sneak Peeks this week but here’s a question of the week!

A few friends and I saw a sign the other day at a pharmacy that said, “Free Pick-Ups!”. I’m not really sure how that’s nothing more than stating the obvious – how many pharmacies CHARGE people to come pick up their medication?

So what are some other completely obvious signs that stores could advertise?

The list of what we came up with in the car:
”Free self-parking!”
”Free napkins”

Leave any comments and answers below!

I leave you with a funny picture that I took at the new H-Mart in Edison(?)!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/57611108@N02/5349984537/

The World is Probably Coming to an End

The first post of 2011. I hope everybody had a great holiday and New Year! Let’s all hope that we really live it up in 2011 because everybody knows that the world is coming to an end in 2012. How unfortunate for us.

The first week of 2011 has been a mixed bag for me. It started off with a great New Year where I got to meet and hang out with old friends. Then, I found my favorite “Wriststrong” bracelet – which I haven’t seen in years. After that, it was all downhill. The Phoenix Suns lost to the Sacramento Kings. If you don’t follow basketball, this is essentially like Justin Bieber losing a hair competition to Lex Luthor. Then, in an ironic turn of events, my Wriststrong bracelet snapped as I tried to put it on. If this isn’t a sign of our impending doom, you are a clearly not a belieber. Or believer.

http://tinyurl.com/2dno33r
Ironic

So I decided to make 2011 a year of resolutions. I’ve never been a big fan of them because well…they’re sort of stupid. How many people have actually kept their resolutions for more than a few short weeks? HOWEVER, I figured, by announcing it to this blog and the internets, maybe it will help keep me accountable. So before I divulge my inner most insecurities and resolutions, how about a story.

I couldn’t find a good picture for story time. Sorry.

Something I realized at church this week is that I always seem to come away with a message, but rarely the one that the speaker intended. For example, I was browsing my notes and this is a serious comment that I wrote down: “flexing spiritual muscles”. I have no idea what the sermon was about or what I exactly meant by that, but I’m pretty sure working out or muscles had nothing to do with it. Anyway, so with this in mind:

I forget what the sermon was about last Sunday (I didn’t fall asleep, seriously – for those that go to RCCC with me this may be hard to believe) but I do remember coming out feeling like I needed to make a change. College – and probably me -- has not been good to my body. I blame RU Grill (seriously, try the Fat RU Grill one day. O-MAH-GUD) and Yummy, Yummy (it’s Yummy x2). I’ve tried my best this past semester to work out everyday, but once I stopped my routine, it became near impossible to start up again. Then there’s the constant barrage of bubble tea, Mickey D’s runs, and other delicious nomnom’s.

http://tinyurl.com/2cwyarb
Not me

I am a firm believer in “better late than never.” So I have decided on two goals over the next 100 days. My first will be to lose 30 pounds in 100 days. I know from my past attempts that this will not be easy, but it’s something I want to do. My next goal, which I have already started, is to read the Bible in 90 days. Now, I understand that these resolutions aren’t New Year’s resolutions, more like New 1/4th Year’s resolutions. Well, after those 100 days are over, I will find something else to resolute about and together we will make 2011 the year of fulfilled resolutions.

http://tinyurl.com/2u5wojf
“I JUST FARTED” is what he said. Probably.

So those are a few things that will be keeping me occupied for the next 3-4 months. One thing that I definitely have realized during this break is that…I am bored. For something I looked forward to for so long, I find myself bored a lot.

So in order to help me fight that boredom, let me know what your New Year’s resolutions are! If you don’t have any, then uh…watch an Asian Kill Bill in an oddly addicting Japanese commercial. Then, comment and let me know what you think about my resolutions! Or what you thought about that awesome video.

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=cusuewkl0w
I can’t stop watching it. Damn you.

So to keep me accountable to my next post, here’s a sneak peak!

1. I will be talking about my embarrassing experience with a phone representative.
2. I will link you to a friend’s blog – I’ve been reading this blog for a while now and it’s really cool. He/she has no idea this is coming, but I know you’re a reader!
3. I have come across some interesting pictures during my time at Rutgers and so I will reveal my first one!

Until then, here are some door lasers.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/57611108@N02/5328401535/

Pew! Pew! Pew!

Stay warm.